Feedback Loop: Mom Loves Me More

Monday, June 14, 2010 - 12:46 PM

piano lesson: mother and child (deanwissing/flickr)

Who was the favorite in your family? We spoke this morning about how favoritism isn’t that unusual and that it may not even be that bad for the kids. This prompted a lively conversation online, where listeners shared heart-wrenching stories of favoritism that tore families apart.

On our website, Liz writes from NY.

"As the oldest of three sisters, my relationship with my family has probably been strained since I hit puberty. My sisters and my mother have always had their secret lunches and mani/pedi afternoons and I am never invited (not to sound too bitter). I find that, if you express hurt about it, its an unwelcome intrusion and the result is always disastrous. Social formalities apply. If you decide not to take it personally, it is seen as some unspoken acceptance of the outsider position. After some therapy, the term 'least favorite' is my euphamism for it, but I've learned to focus myself on others who I can have a healthy relationship with. As for family, well it's just blood."

 

And the conversation keeps going on Facebook

Brian Jones writes, “My sister is the favorite sibling. She lives a life easy for our parents to understand. She ‘lives life in order.’ I am an abstract art person. They have always gravitated toward her.”

 

Ricardo Salas:

“What does ‘favorite’ mean? Get along with parents better? Or more spoiled? More loved? I'm trying to remember if I've ever seen any of my friends and cousins been favorites, and I can see everyone being equally loved, but some being more spoiled than others, or having better chemistry, that is a classic! I'm not sure though, if you would call that ‘favorites.’ I love my children equally, they are both my angels, and they are both my favorite people in the world!”

 

Heather Kanka Doherty:

“My grandmother mercilessly favored my uncle and myself over my dad and sister and in the end it tore our family apart. The end result was that she did not speak to me for the last five years of her life (including boycotting my wedding), and my uncle not only excluded my branch of the family from Grandma's funeral, but hasn't spoken to any of us in  almost ten years. Therapy has also helped us, but in a way it was also the cause of the original trouble. Once I had it, I was not going to play by the (dysfunctional) family rules!”

 

You also reached us via telephone at 877-8-MYTAKE

A listener named Hector had this to say:

“I'm calling just to speak to something that the doctor just referenced regarding looking for someone when you get older to favor you the way your parents did. But the opposite of that is if you have parents who don’t favor you then you're looking for someone to confirm that.  So there's an argument to be made that you look for that partner to sort of complement what your parents have done. But the other side of that coin is, again, that if you didn't have parents who encouraged you or coddled you as it were then you might seek that in a partner in the same manner as you would for confirmation. So that's just another side of that coin.”

As always, you can keep this conversation going. Leave a comment on any of the stories you’ve heard, call in to 877-8-MY-TAKE, check out our Facebook page, follow us on Twitter, and text us by sending TAKE to 69866.

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