What You Can Do When Bullied At Work

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:00 AM

Three things that are simple to list but very difficult to accomplish. It's an uphill, David 'n Goliath, struggle.

Step One - Name it! Legitimize Yourself!

  • Choose a name — bullying, psychological harassment, psychological violence, emotional abuse — to offset the effect of being told that because your problem is not illegal you cannot possibly have a problem. This makes people feel illegitimate. The cycle of self-blame and anxiety begins.
  • The source of the problem is external. The bully decides how to target and how, when and where to harm people. You did not invite, nor want, the systematic campaign of psychological assaults and interference with your work. Think about it. No sane person wakes up each day hoping to be humiliated or berated at work.
  • There is tremendous healing power in naming. Hard to believe at first, but very true...

Step Two - Take Time Off to Heal & Launch a Counterattack

Accomplish five important tasks while on sick leave or short-term disability (granted by your physician).

  1. Check your mental health with a professional (not the employer's EAP). Get emotionally stable enough to make a clear-headed decision to stay and fight or to leave for your health's sake. Your humanity makes you vulnerable; it is not a weakness but a sign of superiority. Work Trauma, by definition, is overwhelming, an extraordinary experience.
  2. Check your physical health. Stress-related diseases rarely carry warning signals (e.g., hypertension). Read the current research on work stress and heart disease.
  3. Research state and federal legal options (in a quarter of bullying cases, discrimination plays a role). Talk to an attorney. Maybe a demand letter can be written. Look for internal policies (harassment, violence, respect) for violations to report (fully expecting retaliation).
  4. Gather data about the economic impact the bully has had on the employer. Put dollars and cents to each instance of turnover (at least 2x the salary of the person affected) to include all expenses associated with replacement (recruitment, demoralization from understaffing, interviewing, lost time while newbie learns job), and absenteeism, and lost productivity from interference by the bullying.
  5. Start job search for next position.

Step Three - Expose the Bully

The real risk was sustained when you were first targeted (you have a 64% chance of losing your job, involuntarily or by choice for your health's sake). It is no riskier to attempt to dislodge the bully. Retaliation is a certainty. Have your escape route planned in advance. Remember, good employers purge bullies, most promote them.

  1. Make the business case that the bully is "too expensive to keep." Present the data gathered (in step 2) to let the highest level person (not HR) you can reach know about the bully's impact on the organization. Obviously in family-owned, or small, businesses, this is impossible (so leave once targeted).
  2. Stick to the bottom line. If you drift into tales about the emotional impact of the bully's harassment, you will be discounted and discredited.
  3. Give the employer one chance. If they side with the bully because of personal friendship ("he's a great conversationalist and a lunch buddy") or rationalize the mistreatment ("you have to understand that that is just how she is"), you will have to leave the job for your health's sake. However, some employers are looking for reasons to purge their very difficult bully. You are the internal consultant with the necessary information. Help good employers purge.
  4. The nature of your departure — either bringing sunshine to the dark side or leaving in shrouded in silent shame — determines how long it takes you to rebound and get that next job, to function fully and to restore compromised health. Tell everyone about the petty tyrant for your health's sake.You have nothing to be ashamed about. You were only doing the job you once loved.

Answering critics of our approach .....

Pragmatists argue that our 3-step approach will only get you fired. They are right in most cases. So, it is important for you to know why we suggest what we do. Our method accomplishes four goals.

  • Goal 1: Your personal health must be the priority or you will not live long enouth to take another job. You have to discover if stress-related health complications have begun and take steps to reverse them. Stress exacerbates diseases that can kill. Put your health, not your job, first. See a physician, ask for blood tests related to stress-induced harm. See a good therapist to restore your faith in your own worthiness.
  • Goal 2: The true purpose of the bullying costs data collection project (Step 2, part 4) is to distract you from the emotional damage. Too many wounded targets crawl between the bed sheets and can't get out. You need something to do to continue to function, to bounce back. This task of estimating the fiscal impact of bullying is not only factual and informative for the organization (which it promptly chooses to ignore), but the employer's response to the facts will help convince you about the irrationality of the entire bullying process. You didn't cause it and they don't seem to care if it ever stops. They are too afraid to do the right thing.
  • Goal 3: Compel employer responsibility for putting you in harm's way. No one is responsible for being bullied, for inviting the misery upon themselves. The employer has known about the bully before and chosen to retain him or her (attorneys call it negligent retention). Employers want a catfight between employees so that they can blame it on "personality conflict." The reality is that employers establish all conditions of work. If there are poorly skilled managers or executives, it is because of a dereliction of duty. Employers are lazy and trust on-the-job experiences to teach people to be good and humane managers. This is wrong. The leadership team is responsible for all bullying. It would not happen without executives' explicit or tacit approval. So, hold their feet to the fire. Expose the bully. Demand changes (for the sake of the organization).
  • Goal 4: Take control of your departure from the place. WBI research found that you have a 64% chance of losing your job once targeted. Exposing the bully is more about your mental health than being an effective way to get the bully fired. Trauma is intensified if you leave the job (voluntarily or after being terminated) if you do not leave holding your head high and pointing accusatory fingers at the wrongdoers. In other words, since you are most likely to leave, once targeted, leave by telling everyone what happened to you and by whose hands. Targets who skulk away in silence, shrouded in personal shame, suffer the most. It can take a year or more to rebound to the point of being able to seek work. Those who leave proudly, bounce back the fastest.

Things NOT to do after you discovered that you were bullied.

  • Do not feel guilty for not confronting your bully in response to the aggression. If you could have, you would have. You are not made that way.
  • Do not limit your decisions to act in ways that sacrifice personal integrity and health just to survive to keep a paycheck. Survival strategies alone create even more serious long-term health and career problems. If the place will not change, plan your escape.
  • Do not wait for the impact of bullying to fade with time. It must be stopped for the effects on you to stop.
  • Do hold the employer accountable for putting you in harm's way. It is not your personal responsibility as the victim to fix the mess you did not start. Employers control the work environment. When you are injured as a result of exposure to that environment, make the employer own the responsibility to fix it.
  • Do not try to reinvent yourself as a political animal. If you would have been able to be cutthroat, you would have acted accordingly. You do not have to mimic the unethical bully to counter her or his misconduct.
  • Do not trust HR – they work for management and are management. Simple facts.
  • Do not trust EAP counselors until they have proven to you that your confidential case details will not be reported to management.
  • Do not ask for relief from the bully's boss. That is the person who loves her or him most. (And if there is no love there, there is fear. The boss fears the bully and cannot stop him or her.)
  • Do not tell your story from a purely emotional injury angle. It scares away potential supporters.
  • Do not share your voluminous documentation with anyone at work. No one cares as much as you do. In the wrong hands, it can be used against you.
  • Do not ask others (HR, union reps, management) to make the bully stop for your sake. They will disappoint you. Rather, you will make the business case and ask them to stop bullying for their own self-interests.
  • Do not agree to be treated by any mental health professionals who cannot believe your experience and want simply to change you so that you will not trigger similar reactions from future bullies.
  • Do not pay a retainer to an attorney until you've exhausted cheaper alternatives to get your employer to take your complaint seriously.
  • Do not confide in anyone at work until they have demonstrated (and not just talked about) loyalty to you.

For more information we recommend reading "The Bully at Work,"by Dr. Gary Namie and Dr. Ruth Namie (Sourcebooks)

Gary Namie, PhD is the director at the Workplace Bullying Institute


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Comments [7]


Iam being bulling for 5 years at my work. He was follow me bother me and were the same color of my clothes, parking next to me. I don't k what to do the at the end I got fired from work.. I think they should b more help more program with this situation.. We don't want to be alone on this this insane and scary.

May. 16 2013 09:42 AM
Unwritten from West Coast

Reading this article makes me ask, "Why bother?" I am not encouraged that taking any sort of action against the bully will accomplish anything. If most employers promote bullies to positions of power, and the victims end up with the bad reference, lost wages and the burden of finding another job, what the heck is the point? To feel some altruistic sense of reclaiming power over your future? Really? I have been trying to decide if I should file a formal complaint. I was asking myself what I hoped to gain by taking that action. My answer was, I want him to suffer. I want a reprimand in his personnel file and a formal apology for threatening me and following through on the threat. But what good is that going to do? He's still going to end up as union president, and I am still going to end up either suffering under him or looking for a new job. Why the hell is this okay?

Jan. 20 2013 11:05 PM
Not gonna put up with it

those of you being bullied, leave now!!! is not worth it. even with a bad reference you will find a job!!! i did! it's possible to leave a bully, have them give you a bad reference and find a much better job!!

Jul. 12 2011 11:49 PM
xxxxxx from xxxxxxx

I am being bulllied in the work place and feel I have no where to turn. Fear of being sacked, fear of no reference, fear when called to each meeting. Its a nightmare, I am handing in my notice for my own sanity on Friday, I cant take anymore, I havent slept properly in weeks :-(

Mar. 29 2011 06:34 PM

Most bosses think they are the president of the united states. they think they can be-little you and treat you like doggy piles. I was bullied by my boss for 13 yrs. and she hated that I looked better then her. Their lives are miserable and they take it out on you. I finally snapped and slapped the crap out of her and told her if she ever teased me and said another word i would take her out of this world!!! I left that day and never looked back and I am happiest today!!

Feb. 06 2011 05:47 PM
Tabatha from Houston, Texas

I am experincing bullying in the work place and have been for years. The latest came when my boss told a peer of mine that I earn more than she does. The peer has been turning my subordinates against me. My boss is having certain subordinates watch me. Those same subordinates are lying on me. I work for a large government agency in Texas. All of this has been accepted by management who know what is going on. My work has been exceptional in the past. I have been kept out of the loop on lots of key information. My boss is condoning all of this.

Sep. 05 2010 01:52 AM
Faith Good Shield

I would like more information on this topic, I have experienced and a co-worker has experienced it to an extent.
It is emotionally draining, I had quite a previous job because of being railroaded out, when I was experiencing a health crisis in my life. Being humble, I walked away...

Apr. 29 2010 12:51 AM

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