I didn’t think I would change my name until my fiance and I went to get our wedding license. The clerk behind the window told us that if we wanted to change our names, we should do it then since it’s much more complicated after the fact. For a moment, I reconsidered. There were certainly reasons to take his... Ultimately, I chose to keep my last name. But what about you? Our listeners had a ton say.

You weighed in on Facebook:

Janice Bissell:  

Took my first husband's name, divorced, kept the name, remarried, and now confused as to what to do. Will probably keep first name as that is my daughter's last name...

Rosemary McGinn:

I had my name longer than my husband had his. (I'm older.) I didn't try to make him change his, though.

Leslie Ratzker Felner:

While I was living in Chicago, I hyphenated my name when I got married because everyone knew me by my maiden name. But it was a mouthful. When we moved back east to NYC I dropped my maiden name; used it as a middle initial and kept my married name. No one here knew me when I was single. Also, I really like my married name. Sadly, my husband passed away 7 weeks ago from cancer. His name keeps me connected.

Rebecca Janes:  

I had a very early very brief marriage at age 21 and changed my name, then changed back. After a second (18 year) marriage, I was divorced, and changed my name back. My daughter (then 8) was upset that we wouldn’t have the same name. I pointed out that most of her friends had different names than their moms, and she accepted it. I just remarried (at age 58) and decided I’d changed my name enough. At this stage professionally it makes more sense to stay with my maiden name. My husband is fine with that, but I don’t mind when people address me with his. By the way- the third time is a charm.

Patti MacCracken:

I did take my husband's last name, for one main reason. It was the same ethnic background as mine (Irish). If it was another heritage, I would've hyphenated in a second. I still very much see my self by my maiden name though (and I've been married 10 years)

Leah Johnson:

I am unmarried, but I must admit that the widely accepted tradition of the woman taking the husband's name burns my grits. Why does the woman have to change her name when the man gets to maintain his? When the woman changes her name it has so many negative connotations: ownership, supposed superiority of the man, etc. I much prefer both parties joining names, keeping your own, or creating a new one altogether. I have heard all kinds of “reasons” for the woman taking the husband’s name, but doing it “for the children” to me is the most offensive. My mother has a different last name from me (which is my middle name) and I have never suffered as a result of it. If anyone referred to her as Mrs. Johnson, she or I would politely correct them. If anything, I am PROUD of my mother for keeping her name after she got married. By doing so, she showed me that a woman doesn’t have to assume the identity of someone else to be in a relationship. If I ever get married (and that’s a strong if), I will follow in her footsteps

Pamela Kemp:

I did take my husband's name because it maintained the traditions of both of our families. I have found that switching names didn't "give" me a new identity, but rather shook my self-perception; I'm not recognized by my maiden name. I don't really FEEL ownership of my married name, and folks tend to call me by a shortened version of my preferred first name. I feel removed from myself because of the change.

Claire Marie Grogan:

I kept my name. Even before marriage, I never even considered changing it. Although, as a teacher, my students write Mrs. instead of Ms., which really just makes me think I should ask my mother to grade the essays. I think it is interesting that suburban kids just assume if you're married, you're “Mrs. So and So.” Keeping your name, as a woman, doesn't seem to even enter their minds.

Shannon McNamara:

I chose to keep my own name, which my husband was okay with. I wanted to get married and share a life with my husband but at the same time retain my own identity. No one ever asks a man to change his name, so why should I change mine? Our children will have his last name, but I've always been and always will forever be shannon-mac.

Christine Magee:  

I kept my last name. I just thought it would be weird to change my name. It feels too much like submission and a loss of my own identity.

Taylor Orci:

The idea of taking a man's last name out of custom frankly makes me mad. I think the only reason why people make a choice now is so a kid doesn't end up with a long string of hyphenates. It's stupid. If you must choose, I say have the couple both get the last name of the person who has the most assets/makes the most money/has the most influence. If that means a man taking the woman's last name, tough! We've been having to do it for ever!”

Suzanne Joblonski:

First time I surrendered, second time I hyphenated. If there's a third he's taking mine.

Gayle Williams:

I took my husband's name 21 years ago because I wanted our entire family to have the same last name. I initially tried keeping my maiden name at work (I was a reporter) but I found using both names too confusing. One last name was simpler for me, and I've never regretted my decision.

Wilbur Jones:

Sleeping Beauty uses her maiden name as her middle name now. Our daughter hyphenates her last name. The real beauty is how our children name their offspring; moreover, "who" they name them after. Sleeping Beauty is "Gayle,” her mother was "Faye". Our granddaughter is Abigail Faye. Awesome!

Robert Wells:

I think outside of being a high level professional with name recognition concerns, if a lady chooses not to take her husband's name or to hyphenate, she is symbolically telling him she wants to keep her identity and will never totally commit to him or the union.

Victoria Bigelow:

It was a practical decision for me, too. I changed my last name when I got married because I wanted to have children and thought it would be easier if everyone in the immediate family had the same last name. I was also influenced by the fact that my husband wanted me to change it, so did his parents and so did mine. I briefly considered hyphenating, but the result would have been too long for the kids. I never felt that changing my name caused me any loss of identity. I mean, a woman’s maiden name only represents her dad’s lineage anyway, so how is fighting to keep his name a feminist issue?

Emily Williams:

I never saw why getting married meant I should change my name. My mother didn't change her name and the fact that we had different names never bothered me or caused any confusion that I recall. When I got married it never occurred to my husband that I would change my name, because he’s Spanish and wives in Spain almost never take their husbands’ names these days. Legally changing my name seemed like a lot of bother for no reason. Plus I’ve always appreciated having an easy name I don’t have to spell out for people, saw no reason to give that up.

Via Textmessage:

From Pontiac, MI: My wife hyphenated officially, though she alternates through all 3 permutations.

From Columbia, SC: Took my husband’s.

From Fort Lauderdale, Fla.: Never been married, but I always wonder about it. As a future-potential wife I feel like I’d be giving up a sense of my self-identity if I changed my last name after marrying. But then if I had kids, would we have different last names? And too many hyphens just make things complicated!

From New York, NY: Gay folk can’t get married.

From Denver, CO: I am getting married in June of 11. I don’t want to hyphenate but I will take his name and keep mine.

From Brooklyn, NY: Never changed my name back in 1982. I'm still Patricia Ryan. But I proudly answer to Mrs. Everson whenever the situation calls for it and there are very few times I ever need to offer an explanation. Who cares? It's not much of an issue. I am super comfortable having a few different labels. My kids have no problem with my name being different from theirs, but my daughter who will be married next May is changing hers. Doesn't see it as a political decision at all. Feminism has worked really well for her generation. (she's 26). She hasn't experienced old-school sexism and doesn't have a problem with the tradition of taking her husbands name. I say this is progress.

We’ve been getting tons of responses on our website. You can read those all here:

juliedevita :

I changed my name and then changed it back again and swore I'd never change it again. Too complicated and compromised my professional identity. However, my daughters both changed their names when they married; now all four members of my immediate family have four different last names- now THAT's individuality!

Carol from Warwick, RI:

You forgot something! An element of the conversation has to do with kids and their names. Millions of women here, and globally, don't marry and their kids are named by them. This is obviously another discussion however the aspect of kids and their father's name just doesn't exist for many of them. So although people who marry may have this dilemma, there are millions of kids out there whose names have nothing to do with their fathers! Your interesting article seems to forget an enormous population who don't do marriage at all! Incidentally I am one of those women who didn't change my name with marriage - ethnicity, age some of the reasons and my son carries his father's name! Really was never an issue even in 1988!

Robin Gibson from Oklahoma:

My husband and I married nine years ago, when I was 27 and he was 38. First marriage for us both. Although I was older establishing my career, and we both had fairly common and easy to pronounce/spell last names, I took his because I was starting a new life with a new piece of my identity as his wife. It's about the only traditional thing we've done, and I'm so glad I did it.

PEG:  

Married two times - never changed my name. I got to HAVE my child so he got his dad's last name. Since we have children from both marriages - to avoid confusion with their other mom and dad - we have our children call us by our real names - I have always been Peg to our children. Everyone is happy. Also, I'd be glad to switch to a Civil Union rather than call our partnership Marriage. “Marriage” comes with a lot of “historical baggage,” is unfair to “non-hetero” couples and does not reflect our values. But at present, it's to only way to convey “benefits” in our union.

Camille from Slovenia:

I've been married two years and frankly I didn't change my name because I simply don't like my husband's last name (it looks even worse hyphenated with my name!). He has no problem with it, but his mother is a little perturbed. However, in the country where we live people have a hard time spelling my "foreign" last name, so if I go order something (like a pizza or whatever) I will sometimes use his last name just for speed and convenience.

And listeners have been calling 877-8-MYTAKE to join the conversation.

Christy called from Detroit:

I think it's great that we have so many choices as women. We can choose to take our husband's name or not or create a new name. That's very individual. I hear some callers saying that they wish that more people would do it their way. I think that's an accurate. I chose to take my husband's name when I married him and I'm happy with it. Feel like I would've been just as happy to not take his name. It doesn't really matter to me but for those who it does matter to. Great, I'm glad you have the option.

Pamela from Detroit Michigan said:

Been married twice never changed my name, thank goodness, but both of my children have my last name as their middle and have their father’s name as their last name. This was the most convenient and easiest way to do it and never wanted to change my name.

Frank called from New York to share this tender story:

When my wife Katie and I got married over 20 years ago. She was an only child and she decided she was going to keep her name. I said to her, “Katie, what if we both take each other names, you’d do that for me, right?” [She’s] got this great Irish name, she was an only child and both of her parents are dead. Well, we had son, people said what are you going to do with a long name like that we said we'll figure it out? We didn't realize but within 2 years she was dead and both of us still have both names and it's a way that we and her memory lives on with us.

Food for thought from our listeners! Keep the conversation going. Add your comments on The Takeaway website, call in to 877-8-MYTAKE, check out our Facebook page, and follow us on Twitter.