Vulnerability: it's when we feel fragile, uncertain, and isolated. But there's a power hidden in being vulnerable, says Brené Brown, professor of social work at the University of Houston and author of the book "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead."
Brown discusses the power and paradox of vulnerability. "It's the first thing I look for in you, and the last thing I'm going to show you." In an attempt to understand the anatomy of connection — how we connect to others, and what prevents us from forming those connections — Brown discovered that, perhaps counter-intuitively, the more vulnerable you are with someone, the more likely you are to find a connection.
Brown herself has benefited from the discoveries that she's made in her research. Raised in Texas, she was taught, as many people are, to avoid vulnerability at all costs. But what she found was that, perhaps counter-intuitively, those who are willing to engage with their vulnerability are the ones who are able to be the most open-hearted, and the most able to connect with friends, family, and co-workers.
"Everything is about emotional resonance. Do I see my story and my struggles reflected in not what you say you're going to do, but in who you are?" If the answer is no, then we disengage — if someone is not vulnerable, then it's difficult to relate to them, and to see them as human.
Even beyond its importance for human connection, taking risks and being vulnerable is essential for innovation. Brown says you would be hard-pressed to find an example of creativity or innovation that did not stem from vulnerability.
Overcoming shame, and allowing ourselves to take risks and ask for help is important not only for our personal and professional success, but also for our success as a culture.
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Comments [8]
This was fascinating - especially with the additional comments from others. I am eager to read the book and I have already posted the information in my Psych class for this Fall term!
there is a difference between being vulnerable to connect with people and dumping on them which disconnects. It's a fine, but very visible line.
No, it is not true as far as my life is concerned. I am very vulnerable, have always been so. I am a very sensitive woman, but that has been often ridiculed, dismissed or ignored. I wish it were different, and that vulnerable people could be appreciated and valued. People seem to want hard people, the slick, I've been around type, not someone like me. Eugenia Renskoff
Once while race walking in Central Park, I tripped on a tile and fell down on slate. A lady came up, leaned down sympathetically and asked, "Are you okay?" "No", I replied. "I think it's broken." It was. She took off. As I limped painfully home, no one else asked why or offered help. I took it as not typical. Usually NYers are friendly and helpful. But busy. Not always ready to go the extra quarter mile. Now I always take money with me when I go anywhere so I can take a cab.
I have appreciated and resonated with much of what Dr.Brown has shared. And I differ with the previous commenter, this is not a new age message. It's a message that can feel brutal, and it's honest. I also believe in principle that the courage to be vulnerable can be transformative, but what if you find yourself in an environment when being vulnerable simply is not safe?
Once I made myself vulnerable to my faults and was able to express them openly, I was surprised by how many people were able to then share their vulnerabilities with me and conversations became fun,and serious simultaneously. A lot of life is taking chances and revealing oneself can be a gift...
As a performer, I reveal myself to all kinds of people and when I've revealed myself to the wrong person or group well that can be painful and costly but I have no regrets because of the triumps of the other side of the coin.
I heard this story and watched two TED videos. I still don't know what she's talking about. She sounds like a stand-up comic for New Age folks. But I don't get it.
I really enjoyed listening to Ms. Brown and agree that its important to move forward with what you want even in the face of uncertainty. My most memorable experiences occurred when I was vulnerable.
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